Dear Santa

Dear Mr. Claus,


Greetings and salutations! I am writing to you regarding something I would dearly love to have. I do not think it is that difficult or big of a request. I doubt it would take much room in your big bag of goodies. If you could see it in your heart to grant me my wish—I would be eternally grateful. All I am asking for is liberty, that’s all, just liberty. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for, that’s all I want—liberty.


Long, long ago the U.S. actually had a surplus of it. There was so much of it that people were just throwing it here and there and didn’t even care where they put it. Unfortunately, sometime in the past, lots of people gave it up in place of a little security. Didn’t Benjamin Franklin say something about liberty and safety and not deserving either? They gave it up long ago and now I don’t have any and would very much like to have some liberty of my own. I don’t think it is an unreasonable request; after all, I wasn’t around when they gave it up. No one asked me if I wanted to surrender liberty for security. I would have told them “NO! I want my liberty and you can’t have it!” I know that sounds a bit selfish, but liberty means a lot to me and I want some.


I have written to various politicians i.e.: senators, reps, the prez, mayor, etc. and no one has been able to grant my request. So instead of wasting my time writing to them, I have decided to write to someone else I do not believe in. I know it’s silly for a child to believe you will give them a choo-choo train since you do not exist. But it is just as silly for me to believe the state will give me liberty since it should not exist.


Sincerely,

Matthew Evans



P.S. Could you talk to the Easter Bunny about all the taxes I am paying?


P.S.S. Could you ask the Tooth Fairy when we will be allowed to smoke pot?


P.S.S.S. Would you mind sending Frosty-The-Snowman here and telling the “city leaders” to stop passing dumbass ordinances? Thanks!