My Wife

"Isn't she beautiful?" That's what my mom said to me about the girl in the pew behind her. I was an independent 18 year old hot shot; I didn't need or want my mom to point out good-looking girls. I was dating a different girl every weekend, and flirting with the rest. But, I had to admit she was beautiful. Long brown hair, even longer legs, brown-eyes to beat all brown-eyes, perfect lips, a button nose, and a voice meant for experiencing…she had it all.

I eventually learned her name was Stacy, before that I referred to her as "that tall girl." She moved into my hometown from northeast Ohio due to her dad being transferred by his employer. Eventually we became friends and hung out a church functions. My mom went "gah-gah" over her almost immediately, and unfortunately, I was a cocky kid who didn't really like the idea of my mom picking my dating prospects. Fortunately I did get to know her and realized she was just as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside. She was intelligent, thoughtful, articulate, and fun to be around.

Our first date was on Stacy's 17th birthday. I felt bad that I did not know it; I wished I had at least picked something up for her. I took her to see "Blind Date" starring Bruce Willis. We didn't care for the movie much, but whenever it comes on TV, we watch it. Afterwards I asked her where she wanted to eat and that's when she told me some friends had taken her for pizza before I picked her up. She said she wasn't hungry. I was, but I didn't tell her that and took her to Dairy Queen. I thought for the sake of my coolness I would order a Blizzard, but the employee was generous with my ice cream and it quickly melted all over the outside of my cup. But Stacy made me feel at ease about it, and we just laughed. We still laugh about it.

After two dates with this girl I realized being with her was not just fun, it was actually fulfilling. I was completely comfortable around her. At the end of date two I asked if we could be exclusive and she agreed. There was something about Stacy that excited me and scared me at the same time. I could see me spending the rest of my life with her and that intimidated me, what if she didn't really feel the same way? What if I somehow screw it up and it doesn't last? What if…? During our two years of dating I called her twice with the intentions of breaking up just because I was scared she would do it first. But after the first few minutes of our conversations those fears would melt away. Eventually I decided to screw the "What if's" and planned to fight to keep Stacy as mine forever.

I had just turned 19; Stacy was 17 when she stopped by the construction site where I was roofing. She worked just a few blocks past where I was and would stop by to say "hi." While we were talking she mentioned something about "when we're married." I don't even remember what it was, but my response was "I haven't even asked you to marry me yet." So I did. Stacy has a smile that shows on her entire face; when her lips smile, so do her eyes, her cheeks and even her nose. When she is excited about something she also has a hug which would rival a bear's. Her face lit up and an excited, thrilled and satisfying "YES!" came out of her mouth, then she threw her arms around my neck and began suffocating me.

I must say, the hardest part of becoming married isn't the work it takes to stay together forever; it's the planning for the damn wedding. She took me along to see the cake, the flowers, etc. It's not that I didn't care about the wedding; it's just that I would have been fine with flying to Vegas and having Elvis marry us. But Stacy was just like any other bride-to-be and gave every possible moment to planning her wedding. Was she ever breath-taking that day. We held the ceremony at the bottom of a hill which she and her father walked down. When she floated down those steps towards me, time slowed, all I could hear was my heart pounding in my ears, my eyes watered because I refused to blink and miss even a twinkling of her visage. She wasn't just beautiful; she was the very definition of beauty. I remember her giggling at my boutonniere as it bounced with the pounding of my heart. The newly wed stage is great. Feeling like a newly wed when I am with her even after 19 years is even better though. I still want to be with her every possible moment. Sometimes I feel as if I follow her around room-to-room like a puppy dog.

About three months into our marriage Stacy was working a part-time job at a small pizza shop. I stopped by to see her one evening so we could have supper together during her break. She told me she had a kink in her neck all day and asked if I could rub it for her. That's when I found it. It was about the size of half a walnut sticking up near her collar bone. The biopsy showed it to be malignant—Hodgkin's disease. Just after the surgery to remove the lump for biopsy I looked down at her asleep in the hospital bed. She was still so beautiful, even after just having surgery. I couldn't keep up the "Mr. Cool" façade any longer. I couldn't stop the tears. Stacy's parents were there at the time and her mom put her arms around me and let me cry on her shoulder, which meant a lot to me and still does. Cancer is tough on a 10 year old marriage; I think folks were fearful it would end a 3 month old one. Fortunately, Stacy is a patient, understanding and loving woman and I am a dedicated, stubborn and 'that's what you think' kind of guy.

The next step was to see how far along the disease was; back then that was done by exploratory surgery. The doctor cut Stacy open from just below her rib cage to just past her cute bellybutton. They removed her spleen, biopsied her liver, removed numerous lymph nodes and did other things I cannot remember. The Hodgkin's disease was fairly advanced. She had a couple very large tumors in her chest near her heart. The doctor said they were too big for radiation due to the collateral damage it causes, so he sent her through six months of chemotherapy. Chemo patients vomit a lot and are way too wiped out to clean up after themselves. I couldn't believe how easy it was to clean up after her, I didn't mind at all. Stacy spent a lot of time in bed, particularly after a treatment. I learned to cook, clean, do laundry and I also learned that you never put Dawn dish soap in a dish washing machine.

While Stacy was on chemotherapy I switched jobs to one in Indianapolis, about 45 minutes away. With the job change also came a health insurance change and we were headed off to Indianapolis every day for her radiation treatments. Stacy and I would leave early in the morning for her treatments at St. Francis Hospital (about 45 minutes away). We'd return home with enough time for me to put her to bed, straighten things up and make sure she had all that she needed, then go back to Indy for my job at 2 pm. Even at less than $1.00 a gallon, the gas was killing us.

Stacy had a doctor named Sayok who would talk to us about our marriage and showed true concern over us emotionally, not just Stacy's physical well-being. He also warned us that the radiation she was going through would kill her ovaries. He knew we hadn't been married long and was worried about what that news would do to us. I appreciated his thoughtfulness, but wanted to take it one step at a time and cross the children bridge when we came to it. I definitely wanted to have children with her. I knew if our children just had half of her beauty, this world would be a much lovelier place. (I was correct by the way.)

Radiation therapy isn't any better or worse than chemotherapy, it's just different. Stacy's skin at the radiation sites burned severely. I would rub cream on her neck in an attempt to relieve some of the pain and keep her skin from scarring to badly. Her cute belly button was in a treatment site and became infected. The doctor gave us a cleaning solution and antibiotic foam for it. Every evening I would clean it out for her and fill her belly button with the foam. It was rather cute seeing the ball of foam rising out of her belly button. An inedible whip cream on top of my favorite dessert…

When the chemotherapy and radiation treatments the doctor had prescribed were completed Stacy was given a Gallium Scan. The technician injected a substance into Stacy that was kept in a lead box and something she didn't touch bare handed. The scan showed signs that the treatments missed something in her chest tumors and they needed to go in and remove them for biopsy. That was devastating. The time between the test results and the surgery results were extremely difficult. To this day I refuse to watch movies or listen to songs which have cancer as a theme. Stacy's side was cut open and her ribs spread apart to allow access to her chest cavity. They had to remove her arm from the shoulder socket and place it over her head. She spent the first few days in intensive care. The good news was the tumors came back benign.
The cancer was behind us, remission was before us. Stacy has since been declared cured of her Hodgkin's disease. She doesn't know it, but the day she told me the doctor declared her cured, I cried, but they were happy tears that time.

Occasionally Stacy will say something about her scars and for a moment I won't know what she means. When I see her, I just see beauty and nothing else. I see a woman who is even more attractive to me today than she was when I first laid eyes on her. More attractive because of how blessed and lucky I am to still have her in my life.

Stacy has had several other health issues, some caused by the radiation treatments she had and others natural. She only has one artery feeding blood to her heart, whereas most people have three. Her heart itself has suffered some damages due to the radiation. She also lost some lung capacity due to it. Her thyroid was nearly wiped out as well. I still don't mind taking care of her; I rather enjoy it because I love her. But with every new "problem" that comes along I fret and cry.

About one year after Stacy was declared in remission she came home to tell me that she had seen the doctor and he was referring her to a specialist. My heart sank, "not again" I thought. She then proceeded to tell me that the specialist was an obstetrician. She literally had to catch me as my knees gave out and I'm not so sure I have forgiven her for doing that to me. Three more times after that she was referred to an OB specialist. Dr. Sayok held our first child and told us he was never happier to have been wrong.

I love my wife Stacy Lynn Evans. She brings beauty to this decrepit world. Her presence improves a summer sunset. Holding her hand on an autumn walk makes the colors more vibrant. Her smile is a gift from God himself. I am honored she chose to be with me. I am thankful and bewildered she chooses to stay with me. She is surely God's magnum opus. To me, she is my world, my life, my love and my reason for existing. "Isn't she beautiful?" Yes mom, she truly is.