It’s that time of year again! Apparently, the only time of year when needy people go hungry, the destitute need a helping hand, and the poor are faced with a financial crossroads. We all know, no one goes hungry in July or else there would be “Independence Day Food Drives.” Since there aren’t any, people must be well fed in the summer months. This is for sure though, the only time of year when people are faced with the difficult decision of either spending their meager stipend on necessities or on worthless trinkets. Is it any wonder why I become so cynical about mankind this time of year? Everyone is filled with the Christmas spirit and giving to the poor; feeding the hungry; clothing the naked. That’s all well and good I suppose, as long as those same needy people are cared about during the other seasons. But that’s the problem, they are not. Toys for Tots, Coats for Kids, Feed the Fort, all programs solely for this time of year. They are one of the many reasons why I firmly believe this time of year actually sickens Jesus. He wants us to care about the needy more than once a year…doesn’t he?
I hate going anywhere this time of year. Places are packed with people pushing and pulling, prodding and poking, pilfering the pathetic product produced by political prisoners, plus postulating that they have purchased present-worthy perfection. I can’t go to a store and make a simple purchase without the clerk asking if it is a gift.
Clerk: “Doing a little holiday shopping I see.”
Me: “No I’m not.”
Clerk: “Are you sure these aren’t a little something special for someone special?”
Me: “I’m sure they are not.”
Clerk: “Would you like them gift wrapped?”
Me: “No thank you. Can I take my milk and bread and go home now please?”
It is just about that bad. Heaven forbid I buy a watch, hammer, shirt or a radio.
Early in the Christmas Season:
Someone: “What’s Santa going to bring you this year?”
Me: “A gun, so I can shoot the next person who asks me that stupid question.”
By Christmas Eve:
Someone: “What’s Santa going to bring you this year?”
Me: “A gun, so I can shoot myself in the head and never be asked that stupid question ever again.”
Since I have your attention already I would like to add one more thing: so what if someone tells you “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas.” Are you that superficial and immature that it offends you when someone lumps all of the holidays into one statement? Or doesn’t want to offend you? Christmas isn’t the only holiday going on this time of year; there’s Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Kwanza, New Years Day, Boxing Day and probably others I have forgotten. Get off your high horse, thank them for the well wishes and say whatever the hell you want to say back to them. As for me, I plan on saying what I usually say “Have a nice day” or “Bah humbug.” J
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